I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
