i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wear drunk well.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize