I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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