somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
