God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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