I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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