wakey wakey hands off snakey
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
