i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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