he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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