The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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