Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
