from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You have to summon your inner elephant
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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