i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize