i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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