Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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