i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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