my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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