K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Alive.
So much puke
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
