Got a toothbrush?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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