and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
