I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize