Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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