considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
