Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
