"it" just moved
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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