I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
