guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
50% drunk capacity currently
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
