I want to have your abortion
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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