Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
