I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
