Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
