Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize