belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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