We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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