never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
