I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
