hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
