My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
