Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
