Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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