A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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