Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We smell like vodka and hangover
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