The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
