went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
