Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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