you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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