I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
