the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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