I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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