So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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