She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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