I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
