So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
