chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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