i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
