It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
