If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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