So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
