I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
