She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
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Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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