So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
