If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
