I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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