put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
