You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
