Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
