my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up under a house in Key West
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
