we have officially lost it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
