No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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