the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
