The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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